Acads. Friends. Org. Family.

 

Personality.

(i can also include ‘love’ here if i’d want to; to redeem myself, i prefer not to.)

 

First in line, academics.

isang sem na lang at makaka-graduate na ako. pero sa nangyayari ngayon – at sa sitwasyon ko ngayon – it seems like the worst has yet to come. naranasan ko na ang lahat ng downfall pagdating sa acads, pero ito ang pinakamatindi. Matatanggal ako sa CE, at magiging non-major ako next sem. masakit para sa kin, really. pero there’s something inside me na nagsasabing, ‘ok lang yan’. after 5 years of sticking in this course, is this the right time to shift?

 

Friends. 😀

smileys are used to conceal the real meaning you wouldn’t want others to conceive. i’m happy to have my friends, no doubt. i enjoy them, their company, the way we interact. but i am not actually sure if the feeling is mutual. wala akong kapangyarihan para malaman kung genuine sila o hindi. yun ang masakit na katotohanan para sa isang praning na kagaya ko. ayaw kong isiping user-friendly ang iba, dahil baka mawalan na ako ng tiwala sa kanila. i still believe i have true friends, and i hope this feeling doesn’t vanish.

 

Org matters.

A UP student releases stress from acads through his/her orgs. kung hindi, tuluyan lang syang lalamunin ng depression. sa org mo makikita ang mga bagong kaibigan, interests at same wavelengths at iba pa. at kung nasa isang advocacy group ka pa, commitment ang mas kelangan. game, eto na. i am not in the position to tell things like this, pero it’s the exact reason behind every advocacy: commitment. wala ng ibang pinanghahawakan sayo ang mga org mo since di naman ito required sa acads o kung saan man. kung wala kang commitment sa pinasukan mo, why join in the first place?

 

Family first.

i miss my mom. it’s been 3 months since we see each other. she’s the only family that i have. and now she’s gone. hindi ko na nararamdaman ang suporta at alaga ng isang ina. kahit sya lang, masaya na ko. haaayyy. pero anong magagawa ko kung ang kaisa-isa kong pamilya ay meron ng iba?

 

The Last and the Most.

alam kong emo ako, higit sa lahat, meron din akong ADD, Bipolarity at Memory Gap. pero these do not constitute the real me. sa dami ng stress at frustrations ko, lumalabas ang tunay na ako. at honestly di sya maganda. na-realize kong instead of being uplifted and challenged by these frustrations, lalo akong nada-down. i admit it, i’m weak. the domino effect: i am claiming that i’m a strong person, concealing every fragile part of me. in short, nagpe-pretend. sa ngayon, marami pang naglalabasan pa; kung di matatapos ang period na ito ng buhay ko, mas ibang ako ang makikita ng maraming tao.

 

dead end.

 

 

i hope not.

sabi nga ng isang kaibigan at tinuring ko ng kapatid, ‘problema lang yan’.

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