i’ve got a few days before enrolment starts again.

i’ve got an internship offer, i think.

i have to work on my own now; no need to bother anyone.

(this may be the last time i have to think thrice.)


i’m considering to file a Leave of Absence in the university.  if i do it, in a matter of days, i have time to work (find a work actually). i’ll earn for myself, without asking anyone for my bills and allowance or shit. i can grab the internship offer and get some tutorial stuff, this i can do without being pressured and devastated by acad life. but i have responsibilities and commitments. i’d be leaving my orgs i consider as my family.  i think it all explains well, for now.

that’s it. i’m torn. now i can feel the relentless pressure and agony inside my head.

it’s so hard to decide for yourself. especially when it will affect others. others means other people, other beings, other minds. you’ll have to consider what others will think. yet, all the decisions will be redirected to you. all (internal and external) factors must be weighed without bias. this way, your pros and cons will appear. then, you decipher it. rationality will come across. which will bring you more convenience? which will just produce more problems? which will give you enough time to think again? at some point, though it’s quite difficult, this enables self-discovery.

now, options have been given. i just have to think more accurately, more responsibly, more as an adult. of course, confusions are always there but you have to focus on your goals and prospects.

if you are about to decide on something big, never compare yourself to others. it will make a mess on your reasoning, on the outcomes and your perspectives. just consider them; what they think and feel, how would it affect them, what are the external circumstances, etc. it’s hard to locate the dividing line between the two. and it all depends on your thinking. make sure you don’t cross that damn line, or else you’ll be dead.